Inappropriate expressions of anger in marriage can be a major source of marital distress and unhappiness. Recognizing and managing this unruly emotion can greatly enhance the degree of security and happiness you and your spouse achieve in your marriage. With this in mind, be willing to take an honest look at yourself and come to grips with the reality that anger is an issue in your marriage. By doing so, you can overcome this martially destructive emotion and discover the joy of peace and harmony in your marriage and family.
There’s not one of us who doesn’t occasionally get upset and angry with our spouse. You can’t live together under the same roof for too long without finding things you disagree about that really make you upset and angry with each other.
What anger does to a marriage?
When a couple argue to hurt, and not to bring the point across, this happens because the other person has angered them to the point where they want to hurt them.
People are hardwired to receive love, respect, and sensitivity, not bitterness, from others. Anger directed at spouses increases their anxiety, lowers their ability to trust, weakens their confidence, increases their irritability, and can harm their physical health. When you look at divorce theirs a lot hurt and anger behind it.
Ephesians 4:31-32 God’s Word Translation (GW)
Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarreling, cursing, and hatred. Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ.
Here’s a question; is your anger directed at a person. And are you holding on real tight to that anger?
When you hold on to anger it becomes a building block. And now these building blocks are stacking up one on top of the other until you have built a fortress of anger. Are you unable to give it up, is this anger an unforgiving spirit? An unforgiving spirit that you’re holding on to and won’t let ago. When someone hurt you so bad that you can’t let go, and you us that as a motivating factor in your life, and you feel it empower you.
Ephesians 4:26-27New International Version (NIV)
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
When you go to bed angry that anger don’t leave, it’s in your mind in your subconscious work inside of you. And you toss and turn and you can’t sleep because that anger is still inside of you.
The best way to resolve inappropriate expressions of anger in marriage is to first get to the root of the anger problem.
Have you ever been hurt or emotionally wounded at some earlier stage of life? Have you ever been the victim of verbal, mental, emotional, sexual, or physical abuse? Or perhaps not allowed to express your feelings, ideas, or opinions. Often the root cause of anger is a cover-up for hurt and pain. It serves us as a protection against being vulnerable and hurt again.
James 1:19-20 (NKJV)
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
You have a choice when it comes to how you will behave when you are angered. You can learn to express anger appropriately instead of lashing out or acting it out.
Scripture doesn’t tell us to never feel angry, but rather to “be angry and sin not”
Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV)
“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
Anger in and of itself is not wrong. What is wrong is when we have wrong thoughts, reactions, or behaviors in response to our anger. Expressing anger, especially in a marriage should be short lived, dealt within a Christ-like, Biblical manner and forgotten, preferably before the end of the day.
Expressing anger inappropriately in marriage, especially in a Christian marriage should be avoided because prolonged anger hurts deeply and destroys marital harmony, perhaps as much as an act of infidelity.
Spouses who are serious about dealing with the anger in their marriage should refrain from “letting the sun go down on their anger.” By resolving conflicts and dealing with anger as it occurs daily, couples can by experience the joy of viewing each day as a new beginning, with no residue of negativity from the previous twenty-four hours.
Search your heart. Be honest with yourself. Ask God to help you see what the source of your anger is. Ask yourself tough questions? Talk to God about it. Ask him about it. Listen quietly for God to speak to you. Seek the help of a Christian Counselor.
God Bless, Israel